Divorces are one of the most pain-staking experiences one can go through. It might feel like your life is stagnant right now and that you won’t ever recover, but please understand that you are not the only person who has felt this way. 40-50% of marriages end in divorce, according to the American Psychological Association. You may not realize it now but filing for divorce is one of the bravest actions you’ve ever taken. There is no use in trying to force a fractured relationship to work after you’ve already spent so much time trying.
This might sound rough, but you can’t spend the rest of your life moping around. You can focus on nourishing your family, friendships, pets, and best of all—nourishing yourself.
Give Yourself Time to Process
You will be experiencing every emotion, sometimes all of them at once. You’ll experience anger. You’ll experience sadness. You’ll experience frustration. All emotions are valid, and you must give yourself permission to feel intensely. While you can’t dwell on your divorce forever, you can spend a few months reflecting on your past, but also trying to live in the present. You might feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself, but you must remember why you decided to go through with the divorce in the first place. This is not the time to analyze the technical legalities of divorce; this is your designated time to cultivate self-love. You can now live your authentic truth.
Understand that you will experience a plunge in productivity, and that’s fine. You will no longer do the activities you used to do the same way, and that can be to your benefit. You can heal and move forward. Don’t use social media too much during this time. You don’t have to fall off the face of the earth, but you might want to drastically cut your social media usage. You don’t want to be comparing your life to someone else’s when you’re feeling low.
Be sure to tell your loved ones about your divorce so they no longer mention your former spouse. You don’t owe anyone the full details about what happened, but it can be cathartic to confide in one best friend or two. Think of it as free therapy from the people you love the most. These can be the confidants who you open up to, and they can advise you and cheer you on. This will also help you to not isolate yourself. Although talking about your feelings is therapeutic, be sure to not let everyone know about what you are experiencing.
If you disclose all the details of your divorce to people who you are not close to, they might criticize you. They might gossip about you to other people who don’t have your best interest at heart. The last thing you need during this taxing time is people to play a vicious game of telephone with such personal information. Tell your boss about your divorce so that they are empathic toward your situation, but don’t feel pressured to go into detail. Try to only focus on what’s helping you grow, but also understand that some days will be harder than others.
Stand Your Ground
It’s best to not interact with your former spouse during your healing process because they might stunt your growth. Instead, wait until you ride out the worst of your feelings before you initiate a conversation with them, if possible. Although they are your ex, you should be considerate of them—even if you secretly don’t want to be. Avoid talking about any potential love interests. Don’t share any new goals you have set for yourself. Try to only speak to your former spouse if it is necessary.
If your ex begins to speak to you aggressively or attempts to make you feel bad, walk away or hang up the phone. This is an indication that they need to do some soul-searching of their own. If it helps, only interact with your ex if a friend or family member is present. If you have children, allow them to spend time with their other parent. This is necessary for your children to healthily develop. Do not be selfish when it comes to your kids. Do not use your children as spies to keep track of your former spouse. Do reassure your children that you will always be there for them.
You can always pick yourself up, regardless of circumstance. All you need is a loving support system and time. If you are going through the waves of divorce, contact us at The Ault Firm today to get a hold of the representation you deserve.